Therapeutic Fit Matters
I tell my clients, if you end up sticking with me, that’s great. If you end up finding someone you click with better? Great! And let me know if I can help you find them. Seriously, I do. I honestly think that increases the likelihood that people stay with me in all honesty.
It’s not about getting people to pick me though. Did you know that the #1 predicting factor of success in therapy is how good the therapeutic relationship is? That’s right. It’s not how smart your therapist is, or what degree they have, what training they went to, it’s not how smart you are, it’s not how “good” you are at therapy, It’s the strength of the relationship! We all want to feel seen, known, understood, valued.
Think about it. You’re sitting across from this person on a regular basis, telling them things you’ve likely never told anyone else before, maybe things you’re embarrassed to say out loud. (there’s no need to be, but that’s for a different day). We need to believe that the person helping us can do just that; help us. As humans we tend to be visual creatures. We want someone we can relate to or who looks like us!
Let me tell you something; as a young person and a paraplegic in this world, there’s no way I would have sat across from an able-bodied licensed therapist and bought into the therapy process. I was feisty, sassy, sarcastic (ok I’m still all those things…) But you get the idea. Imagine that kid sitting across from an able-bodied adult trying to work through the difficulty of living in a world where it’s not made for me, and I don’t feel like I fit in. My eyes would have rolled all the way to the back of my head.
When I was 11 I was first exposed to wheelchair basketball. THAT was therapeutic for me. Not because there was any groundbreaking clinical talk going on, but because for the first time I met successful paraplegic women and saw what I was capable of. I saw that life was fun, and hopeful, and not at all the prognosis that society tried to paint about disabilities.
This is why representation matters in mental health! People of different cultural backgrounds, ethnic backgrounds, disabilities, etc. I love to see it! We get to help change the narrative of what people have believed for years. The first time I worked with a teen with a physical disability they cried. Not because of anything I said, but because they didn’t know they could have a therapist in a wheelchair, and they believed I could help them. This was before I opened my mouth, so there was definitely still time but you get the idea.
Not all therapists are supporters of the shop around method, but I am. I want clients to be confident that they’ve done their research, and they think I’m the best fit for them. I wouldn’t want someone to see me out of obligation or feel like they were settling, I truly want to work with people who think I can help them!
So therapists; I would ask, reflect on who is the right fit for you? Are you willing to let go of clients who aren’t the right fit when it’s the best thing for them? We are called to do no harm. Sometimes the clients we click with best are the ones we see our younger selves in.
